In My Time

I simplify things
that are hard
to remember
or
to forget

With time
they all fade; and I,
among a billion things I create,
turn into nothing

in the realm of words

true story

words work like this — your mind walks into their realm — you are surrounded, overwhelmed, lost, curious, intrigued, overjoyed, content, confused, furious, saddened, numb, calm, comfortable, found, perhaps lost again — indefinitely. you can never quite get back to where you once were, but you have never left either.

you take a word, quite casually, then realize it is not for you. it does not come close to describing how you feel and what you mean. you want to put it out, but the void is now a lot more disturbing because a word was once there. (indeed, it is a void only because of that word — the one you took so casually — or it would be just nothingness.) so now you are a lot more serious in your choosing, which scares most words away. those that are not afraid are invisible to your mind’s eyes. the only way to see them is to make yourself invisible as well, to let the you fall into the nothingness of the world before words. perhaps the right word will come to your rescue. just, perhaps.

no promise. words have never promised anybody anything. people make promises with words. words themselves hold no such notion. in fact they do not even hold those things called meanings. meanings are promises people make with words.

you need to express something that is quite universally called love. you think you know it. you think you feel it. you feel that you know it. you feel that you feel it. it is here, it is everywhere, it is you in every which way. you begin to question all your promises. you are not sure if thinkknowfeelyoume means anything. you are not sure what you are. you are not sure why you are not sure, what you are not sure about, and what sure means. oh, this… love thing. it strips away everything and yet it is everything, it is more than everything, it is larger than what words could hold, and so you are completely naked. you have no words for love. love is the only word. perhaps, just perhaps, in the realm of words, there is only one word. there is only…

                          love

medium

Farewell for a Friend

You left, because you had come.

You arrived where you belonged.

Five years ago, when we first met,
I did not know we would become the best of friends.

I did not know
I would feel like this.

In the evening we said goodbye, an unnameable feeling slowly rose in my heart.
When I got home I could not hold it in anymore – and so it burst.

That feeling which suffocated me could not be described with words.
Only with tears.

I have cried many times in my life.
Every time it has been difficult.

But ever since then, well into the next morning,
I would never again be the person I was that evening.

Dec 24, 2012

unintentions

some lives are god’s intentions gone wrong

executed way beyond kindness:

dreams taken away, dismembered, thoroughly un-remembered
&
smiles dissected to the core, where sadness lies, falling apart in broken nights
&
words scrambled with silenced anger, spoken in tone of non-lovers
&
kisses numbed by a million thoughts dying in the mind, slipping down against low sighs
&
teardrops clogged in eardrums, blowing up the misery of the moment

dark moods today?
no.
this is life, simply.
that is
all.

Dec 1, 2012 

Confusion

In a drop of a moment,

I am taken back
to the way I used to feel.

It makes no sense at all
to feel that way now.
(But why this heavy sadness
pressing against my chest?)
(And why these tears
falling against my will?)

Can I be me
but not this way of me?
Can I preserve memories
so that they’ll never be lost
without remembering where they’re stored?

To be myself – does it mean:
I must string together
all my broken pieces
to be complete?
(But can I be whole like this?)

Did I ever get what I wanted
or drown myself in thirst?

What makes me
is essentially what breaks me
without the final fatal strike.

Eventually I always return
from these tiny chaotic bursts –
perhaps once again
having altered my world
for good.

Nov 10, 2012 

losing in

you trip and fall

upon uneven surfaces
of irritation.

this is the last of your dreams
before the nightmares begin,
behold.

every splash is accompanied by a silent scream.
you beg and beg to return to reality
but no mercy is ever given.

you have lost hope.
you cannot make it up
to your gods.

your voice is gone,
deep under the sea
melodies of bubbles.

Jul 3, 2012

spring

i say hello to the sky, and i say goodbye
to the nights that ended on a morning like this,
with sunlight embracing the brick walls
and the winds around brown trees’ arms,
together laughing and dancing.

here i quietly sing along with the rhythm of spring.
the windows finally open, for it is hard to turn away
from a brisk, beautiful day, from the wishes
of the lover who insists we shall be on our way,
taking passionate laughters towards the beaming park.

it takes longer to walk with arms around shoulders,
but the young does not care about time, does she?
she swirls in rhymes, bringing forth her own tunes of shine.
she has made me once again remember
the liveliness which follows the ache of winter.

for a., my forever spring
Mar 8, 2012

Sun, and a very pale blue sky

Sun, and a very pale blue sky

I was here many sunny days before

Summer is close,
and I am afraid
I will not survive the walls of heat
closing in on us.
We bend our backs grasping for air
only to drown ourselves deeper in tears;
tears that burn
the way tomorrow burns out today.
The sun only brings me fear.

Today has burned out yesterday.
The sun is near
I’m still here.
I’ve got nowhere to go.

The sunrays pass by my closed eyelids
bringing me by a thousand years.
I am going through the infinite nowhere.
Will you be there?

Will you remember
the last day of light on earth
when we smiled at each other
before we no longer
belong to a reality
lit by sunlight?

Here comes the explosion
of the last fire.
Goodbye,
my Love.

Oct 21, 2011