You left, because you had come.
You arrived where you belonged.
Five years ago, when we first met,
I did not know we would become the best of friends.
I did not know
I would feel like this.
In the evening we said goodbye, an unnameable feeling slowly rose in my heart.
When I got home I could not hold it in anymore – and so it burst.
That feeling which suffocated me could not be described with words.
Only with tears.
I have cried many times in my life.
Every time it has been difficult.
But ever since then, well into the next morning,
I would never again be the person I was that evening.
Dec 24, 2012
Sun, and a very pale blue sky
I was here many sunny days before
Summer is close,
and I am afraid
I will not survive the walls of heat
closing in on us.
We bend our backs grasping for air
only to drown ourselves deeper in tears;
tears that burn
the way tomorrow burns out today.
The sun only brings me fear.
Today has burned out yesterday.
The sun is near
I’m still here.
I’ve got nowhere to go.
The sunrays pass by my closed eyelids
bringing me by a thousand years.
I am going through the infinite nowhere.
Will you be there?
Will you remember
the last day of light on earth
when we smiled at each other
before we no longer
belong to a reality
lit by sunlight?
Here comes the explosion
of the last fire.
Oct 21, 2011
I found my rat lie still,
His eyes were shut tight closed.
From above his long tail,
Smelled nothing but sorrow.
I poked him at his nose.
He did not answer me.
Like he would always do
So lively every day.
I did not really smile,
His trick was not that fun.
He thought it was so wise
To keep his heart silent.
I asked Ma where he went.
She said, “Up to heaven.”
That was how she explained
My old Grandpa’s absence.
He had not come back since
My Dad buried his gun.
“It is temporary,”
Is what they all tell me.
“It is the way life is,
And it always will be.”
I do not want to know
About the way of life
Why can’t someone tell me
Why my rat had to die?
Jul 5, 2011
Tonight death has come to my bed
leaning over to kiss me on my forehead.
“Your wait is over”, I hear the whisper.
Who would not surrender to something so tender?
Yet I wish what remains of life gave me enough time
To kiss you on your forehead before I die.
When you wake up in the morning,
I would have left before the birds sing.
What saddens me is not my departure;
But whether grief will leave your eyes ever.
Will you still see beauty and able to laugh
Or miss me too much you end up going daft?
Love still remains after the end of so many lives;
Nothing truly ends when something dies.
And if you ever forget me, dear, if you do,
I will already have forgiven you.
June 23, 2011
This place has no sympathy for your suffering.
You wonder what has taken you so long to get up and leave.
Your feet are cold, your eyes are frozen.
Even the most burning tears cannot find their way down to your heart.
The pain you know you are supposed to feel is already lost somewhere.
You cannot make out what in you remains with this world
or what is left of this world in you.
The day is over with no opened doors.
You have met the night many times before.
But this time
you no longer look forward to the possibility of a warm smile upon your shattered soul.
Thus you slowly gather your emotions
and dump them into the trash barrel next to your old lover’s home
where your laughters of a shared past are replaced by those of a foreign present.
She will never know who left the bag there
or care to find out what could be in it.
Life already left you, but you are not yet touched by death.
Being trapped in between
you still detect momements of images behind your irises,
react miserably to changes in temperature,
smell the filthiness of reality under your eyebrows,
and long to meet with a certain something you have given up waiting for.
This is not what it seems to be,
but you do not know what it is.
What can you do to turn away from being nowhere and feeling only nothingness?
How can you hope for a change if nothing really changes?
Time has fixated you to this confined sensory awareness.
You are you or maybe there has been no you.
What about her? How did she get to where you were before leaving it?
Was she truly there, if thisrighthererightnow is no longer around your last breath?
Jun 23, 2011