An Evening By The Sea

we walked toward the beginning of the sea, hand in hand,
you told me this was where you always took her to,
and she always fell in love with the sunset.

I dipped my toes into the cold water. It tingled like salt
on the tip of my tongue. I pressed my feet down and the sea monster
took a firm grip around my ankle. My laughter
filled the air, and your sugary scent from behind me
floated down my throat. Your lips
frantically searched for mine, my arm
pulled down your head, and we
kissed, and we kissed.
I kept
calling your name, and you mine,
and we lost balance and fell down on the
tide. For a moment, I thought
the ocean
could have taken us away
on a free ride.
Wouldn’t that be good?

But you were laughing, lifting me up,
walking me back to the sand
with your endless kisses, and your arms
around my waist. We lied down together,
smiled constantly, whispered silly things,
then again we locked lips as the waves sang louder,
chasing seagulls away, so they would not bother us.
Under the light wind and the sun we made love
right by the sea, and under the sky so blue.
You sank deeper into me before
rising back, and I rose higher above you
before sinking in, in perfect harmony,
like those waves luring in the sea.

And I asked us to leave
right before sunset
though I always wanted to see it.

You were smiling as we drove away,
I was looking out the window,
and suddenly tasting salty water
falling down on my lips.

Letter from a Masochist

The Original Version

I cannot stop
wondering what this is,
what it means,
where it might take us.

You said,
“Love the question, accept the answer.
The only truth is the lesson,
and the lesson is there is no truth.
You have to come to accept ambiguity
rather than expect definiteness.”

To own you is to never have you.
To have you is to never own you.
I have to learn how to let go.
Freedom in love is so goddamn hard.

I am thirsty for possession,
I want to keep you away from this world,
I want to eat up each of your word,
leaving your novels incomplete,
unknown to the public’s hungry eyes.
But I cannot.

For one day the world will expose you,
the chaos of fame will seep into your skin,
the others’ eery obsession will surround your head,
and I will fade.
It is with you
that I do not have a name.

From others I can get everything
but the one thing
that only you have.

And so I have come to accept
and to look forward to
a lifetime of ambiguity
with you.

The Translation

FUCK YOU.
You fucked with my head, with my heart.
You know that you can just let me go and do whatever the fuck I want,
because I will always come back.
I fucking hate what you have done to me, what I have done to myself
I have fallen so fucking deep in this shit with you.
My god I fucking love you, I am so fucking in love with you,
I love you so goddamn much it fucking hurts.
But seriously, don’t stop.
Be with me, take away my name,
consume me all.

Agent of Anger

tok, tok,
tok,
every drop,
shining red
our wine
to the floor.

me
trapped
skin heat
electric hair
ardent smell
you
heartbeats
rapid.
legs
exhausted.
numb
my palms
tongue
cunt.
dripping sweat
cold
forehead.

you
a moment ago
between me.
you
fucked
my
universe.
it
exploded.
my mind was
taken away.
to where
you
cannot reach. it was
mine alone.
yes, you
are not
welcome
in it
here
me
any more.

now, go,
get the
fuck
out of
my
world.

Parallel Lines

You and I are two parallel lines.
Practically speaking, we can never meet.
Theoretically, we do at infinity.

Where is infinity?
How do you get there?
How can you stay there?

My love,
my infinity is where the heart is
where no one can take things away from us.

We cannot reach within our own hearts.
We only know they beat inside us
while belong to somebody else.

Mine is yours,
and so I will not lose it.
You will never lose it.

If one day yours, too, became mine,
we would no longer be parallel lines.

Off Balance

He quickly forgot to hold her hands the way she loved it.
Who remembers those things after having stained the sheets?

The pain keeps turning her like a leaf in the wind
not seeing where it comes from,
or where it will go, for all it knows,
is being swirled away in a state of chaos.

Her sense of right and wrong was dislocated,
as she keeps thinking back of how good things feel,
forgetting that one is not supposed to cling onto memories
of sensations. They delude you, make you ignore,
turn you away from seeing
where exactly it hurts.

She resists from calling him to not appear
desperate. Needy. Clingy. Anxious.
He is given more freedom than he needs,
which slightly surprises him.
Perhaps she does not care either.

Their twisted sense of communications
has brought the relationship
to where two people are not meant to be.
It is where the sex is incredulously fantastic,
while the non-sex is incredibly empty.

Lover’s Questions

Why have our lips been cold,
and kisses taste like stale coke?

Why has our skin not changed,
but the touch has got so rough?

Why are our eyes the same,
but the irides have turned dark?

Why do we stop playing games,
holding hands, walking in the park?

Why are our sweet letters gone,
and spoken words have become rare?

Why do you still stay with me,
when you want to be elsewhere?

Why can’t we fall out of love
the way that we fell in?

The silence hanging above
put us in love’s coffin.

I wish you would tell me
about someone you met.

Things you once did for me,
now make her cheeks turn red.

Longing

when I woke up this morning,
you had been half way there on the train
away from this
away from me.

you would have been writing,
thinking, contemplating, arguing.
pages would be filled up,
like your heart, and I
would keep wondering
what you wrote.

I have nothing to hold on to
but your words, and letters
you sent me. I read them,
had every word memorized,
learned the rhythm and tone,
so I could hear your voice.

I find the deepest pain and the brightest joy
in your creations.
I long to know what you see with your eyes,
how you think with your mind,
how you make love with your body,
how you live in the world with your ego.

I would have left my world for ours,
in a heartbeat. I recognized you
the first time we met. Why can’t we
run after our desires, live a life
we truly like, have our dreams
completely realized?

Why can’t we become
whom we truly are?
You are what I want,
I am what you want,
why in the world
can’t we be together?

I want to fall in love, stay in love, die in love,
to have you here right by me,
to feel you from inside me.
And that smile on your face
and this smile on mine
will forever shine.