Letter from a Masochist

The Original Version

I cannot stop
wondering what this is,
what it means,
where it might take us.

You said,
“Love the question, accept the answer.
The only truth is the lesson,
and the lesson is there is no truth.
You have to come to accept ambiguity
rather than expect definiteness.”

To own you is to never have you.
To have you is to never own you.
I have to learn how to let go.
Freedom in love is so goddamn hard.

I am thirsty for possession,
I want to keep you away from this world,
I want to eat up each of your word,
leaving your novels incomplete,
unknown to the public’s hungry eyes.
But I cannot.

For one day the world will expose you,
the chaos of fame will seep into your skin,
the others’ eery obsession will surround your head,
and I will fade.
It is with you
that I do not have a name.

From others I can get everything
but the one thing
that only you have.

And so I have come to accept
and to look forward to
a lifetime of ambiguity
with you.

The Translation

FUCK YOU.
You fucked with my head, with my heart.
You know that you can just let me go and do whatever the fuck I want,
because I will always come back.
I fucking hate what you have done to me, what I have done to myself
I have fallen so fucking deep in this shit with you.
My god I fucking love you, I am so fucking in love with you,
I love you so goddamn much it fucking hurts.
But seriously, don’t stop.
Be with me, take away my name,
consume me all.

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